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GhostDogg
11-25-2011, 03:24 AM
VYNDETTA: Heaven Sent, Hell Bound
“Don’t hunt what you CANT KILL”


Knight: There was an old saying that I was told in my tenure in the military, “Two in the head, they should be DEAD.” Well, I guess that saying isn’t true… I was shot 3 times in the head, and 3 times in the heart, and by all rights, I should be dead….but I am not. Actually, let me go back to the beginning.

My name was Aryk Knight, and I was a Private Detective, moonlighting as a vigilante on the side, I did tenure in the military, and was part of a Special Force’s unit. I could tell you the things I did in the unit, but I would have to kill you, (assuming if I wasn’t already DEAD.) After my time serving “Uncle Sam”, I decided to do the next best thing, become a Cop. The problem with being a cop is that there are too many rules for the good guys, and they have to follow those rules in order for the bad guys, however, the bad guys don’t have to follow these rules. The bad guys win, the innocent continues to suffer. You have NO IDEA how frustrating it became to see the bad guys get away with committing crimes and then have them gloat about it in your face. So you can kind of guess what happen, after a while, I couldn’t take it anymore, you name it, I did it. Falsifying evidence to make the guilty look guilty, took shortcuts in the law, but the main thing that did me in was of course, Excessive Force. After a while, the powers that be got so fed up, that it wound up getting me booted from the force, but to be honest, it was well worth it. It showed the people that there was in a champion that was on their behalf, and criminals had a enemy they needed to fear.

Most of the cases I took were pro bono cases, and I took on the worse of name it and I took them on head on. And I aint gonna lie bout it, nine times out of ten, I usually killed them, depends on my moods. Child and Women abusers, Drug Pushers, Pimps, Pedophiles, Drug dealers usually are the worse. Drug Dealers, I usually destroyed the drugs, kept the money, and killed the guilty party. Why not jail time you ask? Simple, I had people in the police force “believing” in what I did. I mean they were cheering me on doing what I was doing. I mean hell, where did you think half of my cases came from? Cops who were given cases, and couldn’t make them stick, instead they call me to become Judge, Jury and Executioner. Kind of like “microwave justice” if you will.

Well I guess it’s true what they say, “for every action, there is an equal and drastic reaction” or something along those lines. After coming off a case, the last thing I remember, I was walking behind a alleyway, and I was giving a homeless man some money, I believe it was about 50 bucks I gave him, when all of a sudden, I was getting robbed by three men. I gave them the money, but one of them shot me in the stomach! I tried to fight them off, but when you shot, and you have 3 men against you, eventually the odds usually get stacked against you. A smarter man would have gave them the money and run, I guess I aint that “smart”…

And here I am… 3 bullets in the head, and 3 bullets in the heart. You would think that they would “Fed-Ex” me to Hell, but I DIDN’T DIE! Either Hell didn’t want me yet, or these guys SUCK as Hitmen! And thing that sucks about all this, is I made so many enemies, I don’t know who the HELL ordered the hit!
Well now, God (or Satan, or whoever is pulling the strings) is giving me a second chance. I can’t make the same mistakes that I have made before.

Number 1, the people who killed me think I am already dead….(well they HALF RIGHT) and second, I don’t think people are going to take too kindly to a man with bullets in his skull, I mean after all, I might have survive the assassination, but it doesn’t mean I healed from it..(who do you think I am ..Wolverine?) As I put on this Crimson Death Mask, the war with crime is far from over, in fact, its just BEGINNING. Aryk Knyght is Dead. VYNDETTA is BORN!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v257/UrbanSamurai227/User15.jpg


(Ok, Let me know what yall think. I know I aint "Stan Lee" but let me know what I need to do to make this better. Thanks)

Antithesis
11-25-2011, 08:53 PM
(Ok, Let me know what yall think. I know I aint "Stan Lee" but let me know what I need to do to make this better. Thanks)

Aside from a few grammar problems, the biggest issue I noticed was one of tone.

Writing in first person for this kind of story you have to be careful of falling in to the trap of ' let me tell you how much of a badass I am.'

What you want to do is show, not tell.

GhostDogg
11-25-2011, 10:20 PM
First off Anti Thesis,
Thank you for your feedback. The entire diary will NOT be in first person. In fact the only reason I wrote it like this is because its kinda like a "prologue" so to speak. Trust me on that. The way I want to make this is kind of like "The Crow" meets "Batman: The Dark Knight". I trust I wont disappoint.

Thanks.

DJenerationT
11-25-2011, 11:33 PM
Love that render. I myself used one for a shady anti-hero for my save. By the way you've pitched it, this could turn out very interesting.