Night Phase Seven
He loved this night time thing. It had grown to his advantage as this game progressed, and he found it very easy to blend in with it, making his job all the easier. Tonight he was on the hunt again, and while he wasn't entirely sure who he wanted dead, he didn't really seem to care at this point. Of course, that train of thought changed as he snuck up behind someone he felt unsuspecting of his presence. So hideous. He couldn't stand to look at the thing before him. Things like that, generally like meat, and with that, he wandered off. He would have to find someone weaker tonight.
He had demonstrated his word to the town quite persuasively. Now, however, he was faced with the most daunting task of his entire life. On paper, there was no way he could win this fight, that was just… the natural order of things. However, he did possess a considerable intellect, and he was willing to risk it all in the most complex scheme ever devised by a rodent, all to insure that he had earned the town’s trust. Nibbling on his secret stash of pickle flavored cheese, he set out to accomplish the impossible!
First step, build a time machine!
But before we show you that, there is this, still…
Ah, much better. He now had a target he felt much better about his ability to kill, and watched as they walked around their home. All he had to do now was figure out the easiest way to finish his job for the night. He snuck in through the back door, examining the kitchen before making his way through the living room and to the upstairs of the house. He found his way into a room he knew would be vacant and smiled. Evil babies always were good for at least one thing.
Within moments he'd found a laser pistol. With this, he job would certainly be easy to accomplish.
It would get even easier soon, as the woman he was coming for came to him, curious about the noise she'd heard in her baby's room. The second the light switch clicked, the pistol fired, and BIGJOSH fell to the ground. That baby might be evil and brilliant, but it took someone else to accomplish his life's work.
And now the conclusion of yet another epic battle!
With the machine built, he paused only briefly to admire his handiwork. The quantum flux capacitor was directly connected to the titanium diodes. He also noted that the Fulltronium lazer array was spaced precisely 1.337 millimeters from the complex reflector doo-dad. He then hooked the machine, which resembled an X Box 360 controller, up to the running wheel in his cage and climbed upon it. He pressed in the numbers and he was teleported to a closet in a modest suburban home somewhere in Illinois circa 1949.
Quietly, he crept from the closet and made his way to the toddler’s room. There, taking every precaution not wake the child up, he made his way to the child’s dresser. Once he finished assembling everything there, he purposefully knocked over one of the child’s toys, causing the very young, future Cobra Commander to awaken.
The child, unsure of what caused the sound, left his bed, perhaps to go to his parents’ room, or maybe to grab a cookie from the kitchen. Tragically, that never happened, because as soon the child was near the dresser, the tiny mouse flipped a switch on his backpack and light flooded the room. When the child’s eyes had cleared he saw something that would scar him for life, and sealed his doom!
There, on the pale blue dresser, towering above everything else in the room, stood a pudgy rat with a fake comb over and a snarl on his face. He was adorned in a sequined white jump suit. And the mouse spoke these words:
“All hail the king, baby!”
And then he sang
“As the snow flies
On a cold and gray chicago mornin
A poor little baby child is born
In the ghetto
And his mama cries
cause if theres one thing that she dont need
Its another hungry mouth to feed
In the ghetto
People, dont you understand
The child needs a helping hand
Or he’ll grow to be an angry young man some day
Take a look at you and me,
Are we too blind to see,
Do we simply turn our heads
And look the other way..”
The young child, who, himself would grow up one day to become the leader of largest, most feared, and most inept terrorist force in the world; ran screaming from the room!
With phase 1 now complete, the mouse gathered his things, and quickly ran back to his time machine, returning to the present day.
Now, for his final part of his master plan, the mouse, still attired in his jump suit, made his way into the evil man’s lair! Feeling that perhaps enough space had already been given to this particular write up, he ran straight to the private quarters of Cobra Commander. This time, the mouse was hunting the snake!
He spotted him seated on his couch, eating a bag of potato chips and watching Bill O’ Reilly! Once he climbed up that iconic blue tunic, he perched himself directly on the Commander’s shoulder. There, he used his universal remot to change the television to stream live audio, and began once more to sing “In the Ghetto”.
Cobra Commander, of course, went beserk, he hissed, in his raspy reptilian voice, “I hate Elvissss” then he noticed the mouse on his shoulder and lost all semblence of sanity. His deepest, darkest fear from childhood was not only staring him in the face, he had also pooped on his vest!
It was too much. Cobra Commander threw both his hands into the air and screamed like a little girly man, before running out of his lair, the town, and even this write up. He was never seen or heard of again.
He had heard that this boy, who had once so fiercely aided many others early on, had lost it, not only was the boy non responsive, but rumors were that he had always been, INSANE!!!!
So, it wasn’t easy getting to him. A mental ward for cartoon characters is not the sort the place one normally cares to frequent. But for the killer and his mystic staff, it was not that difficult.
Once he had located Imarevenant, he found him curled into a fetal position, drool slowly sliding from his mouth. He was wearing an adult diaper and a straightjacket, and his eyes were completely vacant.
For the first time in his life the man paused... feeling, sympathy? Nah! He cackled wildly as the staff was swung and the boy’s skull was smashed!
When the sun rose in the morning, everyone was aghast at all the blood that was spilled the night before.
Some had fought so valiantly, for so long, they had just assumed that victory was near.
They had no clue!
Imarevanent is dead, he was Dib, Nicktoons Alliance aligned paranoid, crazy kid!
James Casey was dead, he was Cobra Commander, Doombringers aligned Commander of Cobra
Big Josh was dead, he was Lois Griffon, The Griffins Aligned Wife, Mother, and Piano teacher