WWE Smackdown: Rogers Arena Vancouver British Columbia Canada
Gulak & Nese, The Singh Brothers, AOP, The Colons, Glorious (Robert Roode & Eric Young) defeated local talent
Cena comes out and cuts a promo – Randy Orton comes out and says Cena got lucky at New Years Evil but next time R …. K ….O!
Curtis Axel cuts a promo on how his best friend has joined a cult and the only way to handle a cult is destroy it’s leader.
The Firefly Funhouse – Bray rambles on in his usual way alternating between child-like joy and menance. He accepts Curtis Axel’s challenge. Oh joy the world has been longing for a Michael McGuillicuddy v Husky Harris match since their old days as tag partners – to be honest Axel is a great worker and this could be really good or truly awful.
1: Cesaro, Sheamus & Kassius Ohno defeated R-Truth, Konnor & Viktor
– Sometimes I like to write that something unexpected happened in the match write-ups like R-Truth and the Ascension winning but lets face it that was not believable here and hell has not frozen over, those three were here as glorified cannon fodder. Interestingly the Ascension appeared to acknowledge that fact and refused to tag in hen Truth needed it jumping off the ring apron and heading to the back at the 75 minute mark allowing Sheamus, Cesaro and Kassius Ohno to triple team R-Truth for another three minutes before Ohno hit the KO (discus elbow smash) to finish off the hapless R-Truth.
2: Natalya def Local Talent
– Canadians love Nattie. Canadians love jiggling too apparently. This got a much better reaction than it deserved – maybe it was because the local had a stripper name (Bambi).
Elias comes out and says he isn’t going to play in front of a Canadian crowd – The Miz comes out and does his “Really” schtick! He says that if Elias wont entertain the crowd he will because he’s the Miz and …. he just wore a Guitar shot to the head!
Backstage Braun Strowman and King Corbin are pulled apart by backstage workers after gettign into an argument over … who knows ... it’s wrestling … lets say it was an argument over the quality of the food provided backstage – it’s as good a reason as any.
Elsewhere backstage Carmella & Dana Brooke are snacking – the Beautiful People approach them and tell them that Dana needs to avoid the pastries so she doesn’t put on any more weight … Oh no it’s Piggie James all over again …. Dana Brooke is demonstrably well toned and muscular by any standards and this sort of angle is just stupid …. the catering must be terrible this week because everyone is all snarky including me. Perhaps it’s just the prospect of matches involving DanaMella & the Beautiful People or bouts between King Corbin & Braun Strowman and Elias and the Miz that has me mildly annoyed.
3: Braun Strowman retained the Intercontinental over King Corbin
– Sigh …. So two big guys with the psychological skills of the average bunny rabbit are put into a wrestling ring … it was a brawl, plain and simple and Braun eventually choke-slammed Corbin and retained his title. I was more entertained by Bambi jiggling earlier in the show and I’m not exactly a fan of the mindless jiggle-fests. It was solid enough I guess.
4: The Beautiful People defeated local workers
– Speaking of mindless jiggle-fests … this was both mindless and a jiggle-fest. I understand the need to build up the Beautiful People and their brand of jiggling is mildly entertaining (especially their entrance). Love finished off nameless jobber 1 about 9 minutes in, most of those 9 minutes involved Velvet and Angelina alternating between sexily flirting with the crowd and bitchily destroying their victims.
5: The Miz retains the 24/7 title over Elias
– I have been a little dismissive of the matches tonight even though none of them was actually bad in and of themselves but this was different and was an absolute banger. The two men clicked well and it had a nice ebb and flow to the match. The Miz nailed the Skull Crushing Finale for the win.
Post match an angry Maryse grabbed Elias guitar (well a new one he must have had to replace the one he uses earlier) and nailed Elias in the head with it which popped the crowd.
6: Carmella & Dana Brooke def local talents
– Question … Does Vancouver not have any strip clubs? I ask because the crowd seemed overly happy to see young nubile women prance about in minimal clothing. Carmella & Dana Brooke’s prancing was less interesting than the Beautiful People’s prancing. 3 Jiggle-fests against nameless jobbers is at least 2 jiggle-fests against nameless jobbers too many for my liking.
Rusev Day cut a jiggle free promo
The SMACKDOWN Tag Champs The Hardys cut a rambling insane promo – Matt Hardy is like a cross between the Ultimate Warrior and the Iron Sheik – it’s weird and nonsensical but also sort of entertaining.
The Usos and The Shield wish Curtis Axel luck tonight and offer to join him at ring-side but he says he needs to do this on his own but he doesn’t trust the Family so if anything happens he’ll be happy to have back-up.
7: The Fiend retained the WWE Universal title over Curtis Axel
– So if 3 months ago people told you Curtis Axel would be involved in an early January candidate for match of the year you would have laughed. It wont be Match of the Year of course as Okada isn’t involved and this isn’t NJPW but it was definitely a good early marker that others will strive to out-do. The build-up to this match worked and the two guys gave us a frantic sprint of a match that made it look like Axel was fighting for his life and perhaps Bo’s soul. Bo … sorry the Acolyte jumped on the ring Apron allowing Abigail to hit a low blow on Axel and the Fiend then applied the Mandible Claw.
Post match The Usos and The Shield run down and prevent the Family from inflicting any more damage on the game Curtis Axel as the show comes to an end.