Bored Wrestlers Association
In the mood for some TEW, I decided to give the 0/0/0 challenge a try. Not enamoured of the Cornellverse or most of the modern mods, I go for the DOTT mod, as I tend to. So I make myself a promotion by the name of Bored Wrestlers Association, set the product to Family Friendly for that sweet sponsorship cash, and fire it up.
My main hiring criteria is of course, cheap. I hit the unemployment line, figuring on giving some other broke saps some work. Might even get lucky and find some one people have actually heard of. The first time I tried this, I went after the guys who turned out to by stars down the road. Of course at this time period, they're all green as grass and can't put a decent match together. I find a bunch of folks who fit the bill, as well as Joe freakin' Fraizer for a referee. He's over HUGE too, so he'll be doing more than counting falls. He's probably also the only ref I ever hired who demanded a cut of the merch sales. Whatever you want, Joe!
Rather than dump the roster in front of you, why don't we just get into the show?
BWA Opening Day - January 1983
Live from some high school in New York
Your host is Kevin Nash. He's cheaper than a real announcer.
We begin our first event in front of a wonderful crowd of 16.
D.J. Peterson comes out to start our wrestling event with some talking. He's having a match today with our rather large announcer. I guess he won't be calling this one. (Rating D)
DJ Peterson vs Kevin Nash
Bryan St. John will take over announcing duties for this match. I neglected to set a winner for this match, mostly because I knew it would suck. And I was so very right. Diesel was off his game for this match, making sure no one enjoyed a single moment of it. Back to the booth Kev. (Rating F)
Vicki Williams vs The Great Mullet
Vicki is one of our three women, all of whom are pretty much the veterans for the BWA, due to having performance skills worth speaking of. The Mullet is Johnny Ace, whose picture immediately made me pick the new name. This was a much better match, getting the crowd going and getting some skills raised a bit. Awesome. (Rating E)
Bryan St John comes out for a promo on Steve Austin. Yeah, that one. Paying his dues in the BWA. Bryan is good on the mic too, giving me a (Rating D)
Bryan St John vs Steve Austin
Sigh...Austin was sucking wind in a seven minute match. Kids these days. No cardio. Bryan wins after Austin passes out from lack of air. Appropriate, since I stuck an insomniac gimmick on him for no real reason. So he didn't pass out, he fell asleep! (Rating F)
Joe Frazier is in the middle of the ring, getting an award for being the best boxer who ever refereed a wrestling match. It was a strong field, but he edged out the competition. Desiree Peterson presents his award to him, when Toni Rose comes out of nowhere and hits her from behind! Hey, we have two wrestlers and a ref, let's have a match! (Rating C! This is going to crush the main event rating, damn it)
Desiree Petersen vs Toni Rose
For the BWA Big Cardboard Belt
Yeah, too cheap for a gold one. I gave them twelve minutes for this one, and they did well with it. See what conditioning gets you, Austin? They did well enough that the segment didn't get dinged for being a letdown, which is a relief. Desiree hits her springboard leg drop to become the first BWA champion. Hooray! (Rating D)
Final Rating E
Not enough storylines. Bleh, I guess Joe can't carry a show by his lonesome. Still, got by with a good opening show.
Zipping ahead to the next month, I found that I actually made money despite using all my expensive women folk. Awesome. I love this product.
Join us next time at BWA Second Coming, featuring...
A midcard feud beginning
The debut of my least favorite wrestler
The champ meeting her next opponent
And of course, Joe Frazier!
BWA Second Coming
Live from the legendary Susan Wagner High School
In front of sixteen people
Our champion, Desiree Peterson comes out to have a little talk with the fans, but is interrupted by Bryan St John. He is generously offering to take the champ out on a date. Desiree looks a little disgusted, and turns him down. He acts like she accpeted, until she walks off, shaking her head. Look, a story starts! (Rating C-. Brought the crowd down anyway. Losers.)
Mr. Red vs Jobby McLoser
Mr. Red is a generated worker getting his first job here, a good all rounder with no stiffness or personality to speak of. So I stuck him under a mask and will keep him silent and generic. Jobby is actually Jeff Jarrett. I hate Jeff Jarrett. So he will never, ever win. Ever. Red beats him around weakly for six straight minutes and locks in a sleeper to knock out good ol' Jobby. At least he sells competently. (Rating F. Expected)
Steve Austin vs The Great Mullet
This..was a terrible idea. Both guys were exhausted, they don't click in the ring, and neither could hold the match together. This was a time killer and it certainly killed the crowd. Oh well. (Rating F)
JOE FRAZIER got himself a mic and explained that the actions of Toni Rose would not be tolerated here at the BWA. She can play by the rules, or go collect unemployment. Joe's not much of a talker, but her doesn't have to be. (Rating C)
DJ Peterson came out to talk about his match with Ms. Rose tonight, but some large woman screamed in joy at the very sight of him. This threw him off terribly, and he fumbled through the promo quickly and tried to focus on the match. Always nice to be admired. (Rating E)
Toni Rose vs DJ Peterson
The first real match of the night, honestly. Toni cheap shots at every turn to keep DJ from getting any momentum, drawing Joe's wrath and DJ's annoyance. DJ manages to mount some offense, and looks to be in position for a win, when Toni low-bridges him out, and he hits hard on the floor. His lady friend in the crowd screams in horror, and Joe ends up counting him out. (Rating E)
Bryan St Johns out here, and he's facing Vicki Williams in the main event. He halfheartedly dedicates this match to his new love, Desiree. Awkward promo, but the crowd's hot for this so it doesn't matter. (Rating C)
Bryan St John vs Vicki Williams
Vicki looks a little disgusted at Bryan too. These two went at it hard for over ten minutes, constantly trading blows and moves, no one taking control. As they began slowing down, it looked as though Vicki had it, but he managed to roll her up, and grabbed a handful of tights to get the victory to send the crowd home pissed. I'm happy though, as Bryan's picking up some skills from Vicki. And all that matters is my happiness, of course.(Rating E)
Final Rating F
More storylines needed. Damn it. We did raise in popularity anyway, so whoo-hoo.
In other news, the St. Louis Wrestling Club opened up, headed up by Joe Pedicino. Just another promotion to conquer on my way up. At least Mean Gene's getting work.
WE MADE MONEY AGAIN. Not so much this time, but hey, money!
Join us next time for BWA Better Than Nothing, featuring...
Bryan St John as The Stalker
Joe Frazier as The Referee/Boss
Desiree Peterson as The Champ
DJ Peterson as Mr. Fanservice
And of course, Jobby McLoser as The Guy Who Loses
GET YOUR TICKETS NOW
BWA Better Than Nothing
Live in front of 12 humanoids at the usual place
Talking! Bryan St John and Toni Rose are out to talk to Smokin' Joe and the dozen folks who paid to be here. They want a match with Desiree and Vicki tonight. Bryan wants a chance at his lady love, and Toni just wants to smack people. Joe's good with both those things. And now you know the rest of the show's going to suck since all my good workers are in the main event tonight. (Rating D. Joe's acting better.)
Kevin Nash vs Billy Joe Travis
Pose off contest
Yeah, no wrestling yet. Billy's out to prove his supreme sexiness to the world. Kevin Nash cannot let that slide without contention, so he comes down and they pose off. Kevin wins by ovation, and Billy throws a hissy fit, smacking Kev around and stomping his feet and yelling loudly. Like a MAN. (Rating C+. Kevin Nash turned face....poorly)
Kevin Nash vs DJ Peterson vs Billy Joe Travis
This was just a time killer really, and that's all we got. I figured the segment after the pose off would bomb, so I threw these guys under the bus. DJ Peterson won easy enough, making sure his number one fan keeps attending.(Rating F)
Steve Austin vs Jobby McLoser
DOES AUSTIN HAVE NEGATIVE CHEMISTRY WITH EVERYONE? Ugh...Jobby gets ruined in another match, and I'm thinking Austin's more trouble than he's worth. (Rating F)
Mr. Red vs The Great Mullet
Eight minutes is too long for the Mullet to handle, apparently. They go back and forth a while, with Red starting to take control when Mullet uses the international object, brass knuckles, to put Red down for the pin. And no one cared. (Rating F)
Desiree Petersen and Vicki Williams vs Bryan St John and Toni Rose
And finally what we've all been waiting for. Standard tag match in full effect, with the faces doing good until the heels isolate Vicki. She gets stomped around for a bit before making the hot tag to Desiree and she cleans house. The end sees Bryan and Desiree facing off, and Desiree almost has him with the Leg Drop, but he moves and rolls her up, using the ropes to steal the win from the champ. The crowd's getting tired of the screwjobs. Too bad for them. (Rating E)
Final Rating - E
No negative notes this show, hooray! We continue to march forward on the strength of the St John/Desi program. Remember kids, it only takes one good match to carry you!
In the upcoming BWA show, Here It Is, we'll bring you...
Bryan St John and Desiree DRAMA
Steve Austin working well with no one
DJ Petersen looking GOOD
And more Joe Frazier than any one man can handle
YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO