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  #1  
Unread 08-26-2018, 01:17 AM
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Pteroid Pteroid is offline
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Default The Wonderful Wizard of Ottawa - Cverse

"LOCAL CURMUDGEON WINS 500,000 Dollars!"



Independent Wrestler Ted Brady won a landmark intellectual property case today against coffee chain Him Torton's after alleging that the beloved Canadian coffee shop had used his character of Matty Phatty the Cheeky Monkey in a series of commercials in 2015. Him Torton's pockets were deep and their lawyers numerous but the 41 year old had sheer stubborn force of will on his side which saw Torton's finally settle out of court to the tune of 500,000 dollars Canadian. When asked what he intended to do with the money, Mr. Brady responded-



"I'm makin' a wrestling company."

I looked up from the newspaper to the permanent scowl etched onto Ted Brady's face.


"And you want me to ref for it?"

Ted shook his head, "Nah Wiz, I want you booking it."

I was taken aback, certainly Ted and I had crossed paths a time or two on the indy scene up here but I'd hardly thought we were close. Frankly I had taken his invitation to sitdown at a Him Torton's (the brass balls of him doing so dawning on me as I read to story) expecting some kind of reminiscence and perhaps a plea for a loan rather than a job opportunity...

"I don't see what gave you the idea that I'm cut out for booking," I grimaced, "I'm just an old man who used to dress up in armor and wave a mace around."

"And I'm just an old man who used to dress up as a monkey and make d*** jokes," Ted scratched his neck, "You help me with this and I'll pay ya, Torton's coughed up big on this whole case and those commercials got people searching my name on that Dream website so I can probably nab us some sponsors."

"I suppose..." I looked from side to side, "But what kind of product am I booking exactly?"

"I dunno, you're all into that fantasy an' s***," Ted grunted, getting up, "Go wild, just have me win every once inna while and lemme cut whatever promos I feel like."

And with that, my new boss stood up, shook some dandruff out of his hair, and slurped down the rest of his coffee before trotting off, visibly scratching his ass as he did so. Charming.

I sighed, put down the paper, took out my phone and began listing off every interesting name I could think of...then I snapped my fingers.

The brief flash and stench of brimstone to my side confirmed the arrival of the familiar I had summoned, I turned towards the creature.


"GRAPPLE GOBLIN!"

"Oh good, you're suited to this job," I clapped my hands together and showed him the list of names, "I need you to deliver contract offers to these fine folks."

"Grapple Goblin?" The creature tilted its head, leaning in close and attempting to snatch the phone before I slapped its hands away.

"No no, memorize it, if you forget come back to me, I'm not letting you get your grubby mitts of my new Cyborg phone," I groused at him, "...by the way, you have any skill at wrestling?"

"Grapple Goblin."

"Alright, I admit, stupid question, now get going."

In another flash and a whiff of brimstone, the creature disappeared. With a sigh I stood up, adjusted the collar of my shirt and began making my way out of the coffee shop.

My name is Dace Lavoie, and I am...

THE WONDERFUL WIZARD OF OTTAWA
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  #2  
Unread 08-26-2018, 01:22 AM
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Is that 500,000 in US dollars, or fake Canadian money?

Cheeky Monkey is the most profitable gimmick in pro wrestling...balanced as all things should be.
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  #3  
Unread 08-26-2018, 01:23 AM
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The Canadian Federation Of Wrestling Presents:
A Wrestling Show

Featuring:

Ted Brady vs Ant-Man

Chuck "The Buck" Dorrance vs A Mystery Opponent

K-Squared vs JOJI

And Tons More Wrestling Action


"Ted?"

"Yup?"

"What on earth am I looking at?"

"Match card."

"Yes but, what is this promotional material? That logo is preposterous!"

"It's crap on purpose. The kids love that kinda thing."

"I don't think..."

"You focus on makin' the show work, I'll give the people what they want, kay Wiz?"

"If you insist."
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  #4  
Unread 08-26-2018, 01:26 AM
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Ted Brady vs Ant-Man
The worst figurehead of all time begins his reign of terror.

Chuck "The Buck" Dorrance vs A Mystery Opponent
I'm guessing either Tommy Cornell or Jack Bruce.

K-Squared vs JOJI
If Randy Bumfhole can be an SWF future World Champion, so can Kenny Kuntz.
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  #5  
Unread 08-26-2018, 02:39 AM
Jaded Jaded is offline
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Brady
Mystery Opponent (please be a Paratrooper, they'll fit right in!)
K-Squared.

This looks great!
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  #6  
Unread 08-26-2018, 02:42 AM
Greggyb Greggyb is offline
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Brady
The Dreaded Question Mark
Kenny Kuntz
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  #7  
Unread 08-26-2018, 10:22 AM
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Ted Brady vs Ant-Man

Chuck "The Buck" Dorrance vs A Mystery Opponent

K-Squared vs JOJI

As an Ottawan, I would definitely go check out this show!
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  #8  
Unread 08-26-2018, 11:06 AM
Rayelek Rayelek is offline
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I'm always in for Grapple Goblin!

Ted Brady vs Ant-Man

Chuck "The Buck" Dorrance vs A Mystery Opponent

K-Squared vs JOJI
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  #9  
Unread 08-26-2018, 09:20 PM
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The Canadian Federation of Wrestling Presents:
A Wrestling Show
Location: The George Kinneal Gymnasium, British Columbia
Attendance: 82
Rating: D-


The first-ever show of the CFW comes from the George Kinneal Gymnasium with an attendance of 82 and due to a clerical error with the people printing the tickets, it's technically a sell out! The handy team of Ted Brady's nephews armed with cellphone cameras get sweeping (and blurry) shots of the crowd as the speakers set up near the merch table blare out various pop and rock hits that would probably get the company sued if anyone knew who they were. Speaking of things at the merch table we gave a one-night contract to an announcer in the area when we realized we forgot to get one of those, let's meet him now!


Nat Whitehouse:
"Hi there ladies and gentlemen, I'm Nat Whitehouse and this is the Canadian Federation of Wrestling! I've been invited here by Mr. Brady and Mr. Lavoie to guide you through a night of good 'ole fashioned Canadian Wrestling! No frills here, it's so much steak and so little sizzle, you'll wear your jaw out trying to chew!"

Hard rock music suddenly starts playing before Whitehouse can give out any more bad metaphors, heralding the arrival of...


Ted Brady and Chuck "The Buck" Dorrance

The founder and grumpy old man of CFW trundles out flanked by his self-styled protege in Chuck The Buck. The two enter the ring and pull out microphones as the crowd boo them.

Brady:
"Listen here you damn Millennials, this is my show so you'll show me some respect!"

The crowd, shockingly, boos the man telling them not to boo him.

Brady:
"See!? See!? This what's wrong with the world today, all you young people think you know better with yer smart phones and yer facespaces and yer Reverie and Chill! Well I've had it with all that and I'm gonna take wrestling back to the good 'ole days when an axehandle off the top rope was all we needed! That's why I went out and found one of the good ones, one of the young studs, a man among the little boys who play at bein' a wrestle today, Chuck "The Buck" Dorrance!

Chuck poses to even more boos because he's with Ted Brady which makes him a jerk by association.

Brady:
"Tonight we're gonna-!"

Voice:
"Uh...hello?"

An uncertain voice cuts off the two traditionalists, who turn towards the entrance curtain to see its owner.


This Guy!

A confused looking young man in wrestling tights steps out, looking around and scratching his head. Dorrance opens his mouth to speak but Ted throws himself against the ropes, looking incensed.

Brady:
"DECOLT!"

Man:
"Huh? Do I know you? Do you know me? I just kinda woke up back there in these tights with a microphone in my ha-"

Brady:
"You get outta here ya damn DeColt, this is my show! My ring! You and your absurdly handsome family don't belong!"

Chuck:
"Uh his name's Ian boss, and he's-"

Brady:
"Ohhh tangled with him before, have you!?"

Chuck:
"I work with him, he's-"

Brady:
"Good! We shelled out the cash for you to wrestle Alan Parent but screw him, go beat up that damn DeColt! AND YOU!"

Brady points at Ian (DeColt?)

Brady:
"Get ready for the worst beating of your life! Go get'em, Chuck, and do it like I told ya!"

Chuck:
"Ok boss..."

Brady storms out of the ring and glowers at Ian, who awkwardly gets into the ring and gets jumped from behind by Dorrance! The bell rings and the first match in CFW history is underway!


Ian? VS Chuck "The Buck" Dorrance

Dorrance opens the match fully in control, beating down on the apparent amnesiac with a flurry of clunky old school offense, we're talking back clubs, we're talking headlocks, we're talking the dreaded SCOOPSLAM! It's a horrible onslaught but suddenly something clicks into gear for the supposed DeColt and he ducks a clothesline from Dorrance and fires back with lefts and rights that send him stumbling away before slamming a picture perfect clothesline of his own before nailing a DeColt Driver (Death Valley Driver) to get the sudden pin and win! Post-match Dorrance stumbles off to lick his wounds while Ian poses sheepishly for the fans before following him backstage...

In a bout that had good heat and decent wrestling, Ian? defeated Chucky Dorrance in 6:11 by pinfall with a DeColt Driver D-

Whitehouse:
"An astounding first performance by the young...DeColt? Odd, I don't recall the DeColt family having a member that youthful. But fans there's more wholesome regular wrestling action coming your way and-wait why are we going backsta-?"

Whitehouse gets cut off as we switch to a cellphone feed backstage of Ian being mobbed by his fellow wrestlers backstage.


"You're so skilled, Mr. DeColt!"

Ian?:
"Uh thanks..."


"[Your moves are a dead ringer for the DeColt family, could what Mr. Brady said be true? It's an honor!]"

Ian?:
"Oh come on, I don't need that kind of prai-wait why do I know how to speak Spanish?"


"Inform me, citizen, what possessed you to go out there and interrupt that crusty curmudgeon?"

Ian?:
"I'm...I'm not sure, I just had that microphone and when I heard that rude guy ranting in the ring it made me just want to...stand up to him. I mean I didn't get far but it was so...instinctual."

Cocky Voice:
"Heh, who cares?"

The wrestlers and the camera turn to find the cocky man the cocky voice belonged to.


"DeColt or not you just don't shape up compared to a talent like K-Squared."

Ian?:
"Who's K-Squared?"

K-Squared:
"Me, K-Squared is K-Squared."

Ian?:
"Uh, ok?"

K-Squared rolls his eyes and shoves past them, standing in front of the curtain to the gymnasium, he flashing a cocky handsign to the group.

K-Squared:
"Let K-Squared show you how its done."

Hip hop music starts blaring and K-Squared steps out...

Ant-Man:
"That Kenny Kuntz, ever since he got that new ring name he's become quite the delinquent!"

Ian?:
"...what a Kuntz."

With a look of determination, JOJI storms out after him to definitely not stereotypical J-Pop and we've got our second match!


JOJI vs K-Squared

These two go full-throttle from the start but while JOJI started to pull away through his Eagle Kurasawa-backed training, K-Squared found the perfect counter to that tutelage by cheating. Like a lot. Eye pokes and rakes were just as likely to be busted out by the third person phenom as a moonsault or a springboard. In the end a sly low blow opens the way for K-Squared to hit his Special K (Shooting Star Press) finisher for the pin and the win! Special K proceeded to celebrate for a ludicrously long time in the ring, until head official Dace Lavoie attached a mirror to a fishing pole and lead K-Squard out through the power of arrogance!

In a decent match, K-Squared defeated JOJI in 7:49 by pinfall with a Special K. D-

Whitehouse:
"Well uhm...well fans I don't know if that was really traditional, Mr. Brady said we were gonna be like the Stones here, not the crazy stuff you see coming outta New Zealand..."

Voice:
"Oh you want the Stones, bubba?"

Whitehouse:
"Well yes, I would like the Stones."

Voice:
"Well too bad, brotha 'cuz ya got me instead!"

Whitehouse:
"Huh?"


"Ah-uh-huh~"

Whitehouse:
"...goodness."

Guitar strapped to his back, Tennessee William struts down to the ring and proceeds to put on a live performance of "Hound Dog", the camera phones combing the audience of appreciative fans until they find one man in the crowd having a much better time than everyone else:


"AHHHHHHHH! TENNESSEEEEEE OHMYGOOOOOOOD~!!!!"

Well you can't accuse him of not having a good time.

Whitehouse:
"I am so lost, I don't understand how this could get sillier..."

"GRAPPLE GOBLIN!"

Whitehouse:
"I'm sorry, what?"


"NYEHEHEHEHEHE~!"

Whitehouse:
"what?"

Scrambling out from under the ring, the Grapple Goblin unscrupulously causes mayhem and mischief among the fans before storming into the ring and trying to yank away Tennessee's guitar to bring back to his Goblin nest below the mat. The ensuing tug-of-war lasts until Dace Lavoie returns from his wrangling of K-Squared and calls for the bell, we have a match!

Whitehouse:
"what?"


Tennessee William vs Grapple Goblin

The match is nonsense from the word go, with Goblin repeatedly ducking out of the ring under the onslaught of William to either try and steal something from the fans, the merch table, or to make another grab for the guitar! William cuts him off again and again until Grapple Goblin successfully distracts him with a Peanut Butter and Banana sandwich and once again goes for the guitar, this time managing to get it and sneak up behind William, guitar lifted to try and bash him but an unlikely intervention saves the musician!



The fan from before yanks the guitar away from Goblin and cradles it at ringside, eliciting a loud haranguing from Grapple Goblin who takes his eye off the ball and turns right around into a Devil's Crossroad (Swinging Neckbreaker) from Tennessee William who gets the pin!

In a bout that had a decent reaction from the crowd but terrible wrestling, Tennessee William defeated The Grapple Goblin in 5:20 by pinfall with a Devil's Crossroad following interference from Jeremiah Martin. E-

Post match, the fan climbs into the ring and hands William his guitar before embracing the superstar, who looks...rather uncomfortable with the whole thing until the fan is shepherded away by event staff and William heads to the back so we're set for our main event!

Whitehouse:
"i am so lost..."


Ant-Man vs Ted Brady

The superheroic Ant-Man stormed the ring to a positive reaction from the fans, posing and flexing for them all until Ted Brady abruptly ran in and attacked him, beating down on the hero with all the old man rage he could summon (and trust me, there's a lot of that). However, Ant-Man's power came to the fore when he began to slam and toss and finally lift Brady up into a twenty-second long stalling suplex that got the fans popping! Ant-Man seemed poised to take the match with his Antidote Powerslam but suddenly-!



Chuck "The Buck" Dorrance leapt up onto the apron and shouted angrily at Ant-Man, distracting him long enough for Brady to slip off his shoulders and roll him up with a handful of tights and Dorrance putting Brady's boots on the rope to secure the victory for the miserable veteran!

In a bout that had good heat and decent wrestling, Ted Brady defeated Ant-Man in 7:33 by pinfall after a distraction from Chucky Dorrance. D-

The bell has rung on the first main event of CFW's history but Dorrance and Brady aren't done, they beat down on Ant-Man with vicious stomps as Brady shouts that this is the fate that awaits every young punk that steps in his ring, but wait!



In true DeColt(?) fashion, Ian runs out with a steel chair and smacks Dorrance with a shot to the back that sends him and Brady running, pacing around the ring with a look of half-anger and half-confusion as though his body were acting with a will of its own.

Whitehouse:
"Ok that's it, I'm done with this travesty, tradition my preparation-h smeared keister! This is ludicrous and I'm going home, you all can go step on a lego for all I care, goodnight!"

And with that glowing vote of confidence, Whitehouse storms out of the gymnasium and that's the end of the first ever CFW show...what a dork.
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  #10  
Unread 08-26-2018, 10:13 PM
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cappyboy cappyboy is offline
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Good first show. Can't wait to see what this roster can come up with. But an enquiring mind wants to know. Is there any way we can get Bob Casey as a corporate lackey trying to defend the honor of Him Torton's? He and Brady have had so many wars for me over the years the only thing left for them is for one to invade a promotion owned by the other.
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  #11  
Unread 08-27-2018, 12:21 AM
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"Well that went well."

I looked up from the TEW.com report on our show with an eyebrow raised, "I suppose aside from our announcer quitting on his first night..."

Ted shrugged, "Eh, was gonna fire him anyway, he was a real goober. I'm talkin' about the bookin', crowd ate it all up."

"Most of it," I shrugged, swiping through the individual reviews of our characters, "We've got some strong stuff to build upon certainly."



"Our three biggest successes are Ian's amnesiac DeColt gimmick, K-Squared's delusional big leaguer character, and the guy who pretends he's an ant."

Ted snickered, "Think Alex's gonna be steamed at us for running the gimmick his family's been hemmin' and hawin' about up in the land of the golden boys at our dinky little local show?"

"I don't think we register on their radar, Ted," I rested my chin on my clasped hands, "We lucked out in that they're our best in terms of workrate too."

"It all falls into place when ya with the Wiz," Ted smirked, taking a swig of Molson's.

"Let's move on to the next tier, shall we?" I waved my hand dismissively.



"The next step down from them is-" I began.

"Ok, cut the BS, who IS this guy?" Ted cut me off.

"Who, The Grapple Goblin?" I asked, "He is an...exotic talent."

"Exotic talent, he's bitin' off Waldo Odlaw and we should be thankin' our lucky stars he doesn't play The Gremlin anymore or he'd be coming at us with staplers...or worse, lawsuits, I ain't gettin' hoisted by my own petard here," Ted groused, "Still...fans like the tubby weirdo."

"See a bit of yourself in him?" I asked with a grin.

"Ya callin' me fat?" Ted growled, taking a bite of his third twinkie.

"Wouldn't dream of it, next are our slightly above the norm..."



"This level is JOJI, yourself, and Jerry," I nodded, "We got lucky with JOJI as I didn't really have time to give him focus, suffice to say he's probably over on his looks and in-ring talent which will have to do for now. Meanwhile your old school routine sticks out well among the more bombastic personas we've got, current day wrestling fans have it out for stick in the mud old-timers..."

"Welp," Ted burped, "-scuse me-I learned from the best, I've worked alongside every pissy old fart who ever feared leaving the ground, I can do a pitch perfect Giant Redwood impression."

"Uh, how about we don't go into that," I shook my head, "And of course we round out with Jerry, who's really into this 'overbearing fan' idea we've given him. Transitioning him into a more constant gimmick might be in the cards once this well runs dry but for now I think his storyline with Tennessee will make them both names in the area. Now to the middle of the road..."



"Poor Chucky," Ted scratched some stubble forming on his cheek, "Of course ya ain't gonna get too over playin' second banana to the big bad, but he's got enough talent to be his own thing sooner or later."

"I agree, which leaves us with the one who's under-preforming."



"Well I mean, didja think a lot of Canadians are head over heels for Elvis?" Ted tilted his head.

"We needed another babyface and I didn't want to debut Dreamer yet," I shrugged, "Thankfully we aren't looking at dead silence when he's in the ring so hopefully the character gets over with time."

Ted nodded along then finished off his beer and snacks, patting his growing belly, "Alright, welp ya got another gal debuting next month along with dreamer, hopefully the buzz we got from this first show leaks over...speaking of, is my drinking buddy gonna be good to go next time?"

I frowned, "Hopefully, I saw him knocking back whiskey shots earlier, we'll be needing him to get some of our mic-challenged workers over so the last thing we need is him off his face."

"And the old man?" Ted continued.

"He's good to go, happy to be working again even if it's just in the booth, just need the right guy to work with him," I clapped my hands together, "I got a line on someone so I may bring him in on a trial."

"Good work, Wiz," Ted grinned on the way out, "Work that magic of yours."

And he was gone, I sighed, snapping my fingers and bringing a broom and dustpan to life to sweep up the snack wrappers on the floor.

"I live a charmed life."


The Canadian Federation of Wrestling Presents:
Another Wrestling Show

Main Event Tag Team Match
Ian (DeColt?) & Ant-Man vs Ted Brady & Chuck "The Buck" Dorrance

Tennessee Williams vs K-Squared

JOJI vs The Grapple Goblin

Electric Dreamer vs A Debuting Wrestler
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  #12  
Unread 08-27-2018, 12:43 AM
DanMTheMan DanMTheMan is offline
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The Canadian Federation of Wrestling Presents:
Another Wrestling Show

Main Event Tag Team Match
Ian (DeColt?) & Ant-Man vs Ted Brady & Chuck "The Buck" Dorrance

Tennessee Williams vs K-Squared

JOJI vs The Grapple Goblin
GRAPPLE GRAPPLE

Electric Dreamer vs A Debuting Wrestler
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  #13  
Unread 08-27-2018, 02:08 AM
Jaded Jaded is offline
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Awesome first show!

Ian/Ant-Man
Tennessee
Goblin
Dreamer
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  #14  
Unread 08-27-2018, 10:51 AM
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DarK_RaideR DarK_RaideR is offline
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It's The Return Of The Grapple Goblin! (grapple Goblin!)
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  #15  
Unread 08-27-2018, 12:36 PM
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The Canadian Federation of Wrestling Presents:
Another Wrestling Show

Main Event Tag Team Match
Ian (DeColt?) & Ant-Man vs Ted Brady & Chuck "The Buck" Dorrance

Tennessee Williams vs K-Squared

JOJI vs The Grapple Goblin

Electric Dreamer vs A Debuting Wrestler
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