04-20-2019, 04:55 PM
Join Date: Aug 2018
Welcome to the Oddworld
Silas Odswald opens the show, telling everyone what it’s all about. I don’t know why I’m referring to myself in the third person but there we are. I’m not as good as I think I am but if you thought it couldn’t get any worse from here, you’re dead wrong. Rating: E-
Mad Dog Mortimer vs Martyr – Hardcore match
Mad Dog comes out adorned in the Confederate flag to Ted Nugent’s Stranglehold. He hobbles well for a man with no knees, sinking 3 beers before reaching the ring and casting the empties into the front row. Martyr is genuinely terrifying. The blood stained hockey mask, the chainsaw, the apparent lack of any basic wrestling training. Terrifying. Ironically it’s Martyr who gets injured in this encounter. First show, first match, first injury. A back strain from the sandbagging Mortimer. The match blew chunks but you knew it would. It was always going to. Martyr, wincing, drove Mad Dog onto a chair with a Vengeance Driver (Burning Hammer) for the three. Rating: F+
The room just got a little warmer as Clare South makes her way to the ring. The dress is practically painted on. A father and son in the front row have an uncomfortable exchange. Speaking of uncomfortable exchanges, Clare has the misfortune of interviewing Anders Thunder about his match with Seth Whitehead tonight. Anders, this huge towering man, rippling with muscle... speaks with a gentle Swedish lilt exuding serenity. He says he’s going to beat Seth, presumably by boring him to death. It’s not exactly what the blood thirsty mob in attendance are after. Rating F
Things are looking a little ugly in there and Anders is no use. He stares dumbly at the canvas. I stick my head through the curtain and look imploringly at Clare. I know she hates this but she’s a good soldier. Anders troops off but no one is looking at him, Clare South is in the ring dancing sexily to Alannah Myles’ Black Velvet. Just.... wow. Good luck to the poor saps having to follow that.Rating: C
Silas Odswald vs Lucas Danger
This was horrible. I was sure I'd booked this for me to go over but I had been drinking and Lucas is so strung out even the most basic of conversations are a challenge. There was clearly some miscommunication at hand. Lucas caught me with a backslide, the referee - woefully out of position - counted three, and mercifully this one is over. Rating F
Seth Whitehead hits the ring and he's pumped up. Leather jacket, gold chain, slicked back hair. His imitation of a New Yorker is horrible but it makes the whole spectacle almost fascinating. He tells the crowd (can 9 people really be classed as a crowd?) that he has a match tonight with Anders Thunder. No one cares. Someone makes a derogatory comment about Seth's hair to a smattering of applause. Seth appears to sulk as we head into our main event. Rating F+
Seth Whitehead vs Anders Thunder
Well if you read the blurb in the second post you'll know how this one goes. For those of you catching up this was a challenging affair that Seth did not particularly relish. After being clubbed, stiffed, sandbagged and crushed, Whitehead caught the big man with a roll up for the win. I think at least half the 'crowd' left when Clare did. Rating F+
Show Rating: E
* * * * *
So, very first show, Mad Dog Mortimer turns up very late. For a guy with limited appeal and literally a 20 year career of achieving nothing this guy has got some balls on him. I call him a prick and we part on good terms.
To no one's surprise Lucas Danger wrestled wasted. I'd do something about it but he's a regular. I need to keep him close. His tab is getting dangerously high. DANGERously? High? See what I did there? Pfft, I'm going for a beer with Clare South.
Last edited by Bigelow Cartwheel : 04-21-2019 at 06:13 PM.